the month of July 2009

July?? What can I say about the month of July 2009? To others I don’t know what will they feel about this month, but to me I can say that is a bad month to me. Though I’m happy and also enjoy the day when I’m in Cgl. But it’s only ONE-day fun. After that, I keep fall sick, everyday also this and that kind of illness. When this is cure, another comes. It’s so bad luck. From the start of this year till now, this is the 1^st months I keep on fall sick, but now, the illness I’m having is more terrible than the illness I used to have. From cough, stomach pain, fever, vomit, and so on, I’ve suffered enough. But now? It’s more terrible! This illness brings a lot of problem to me. Food and drinks are all controlled! Time? It’s like a curfew set by my parents. I can’t go anywhere. Everyday stays at home like a stupid people doing nothing. Can’t attend school for several days. Homework and lessons are all left out. Exam is coming soon. Everything is in a rush and now only I get this, I’m almost crazy d. This illness really drives me crazy! I hope that someone that is close to me will concern me, but it is unexpected that they don’t even find me. I don’t know whether they are busy or what. I don’t want to know anymore. Nowadays people who are really sweet and concern to me is only 2guys. I feel so happy that at least there is still someone who really cares about me unlike the others. I’m not trying to say anything that is bad to hurt them, but this is the fact. I’m not going to tell them anything. They wanna care or not I’m not going to give a damn on it. I’m so fed-up and feel so hopeless right now. How much I wish that I could immediately die right now! I don’t want to suffer all those pain!!!!!! Wind is the best word to describe my emotions. Sometimes it’s windy, sometimes is strong. Same like how I feel right now. I’m quite bad temper nowadays. What can I do? I don’t want this entire thing to happen! I avoid from talking to anyone because I know that I’m not in a mood. I might simply scold people. I know I talk quite rude to my friends who are trying to talk to me even my mom too. I’m really sorry. I don’t mean that but I can’t control my temper. Help!! When only can I cure?? FUCK! Where is all the happy moment and sweet memory?? I don’t want to be ILL ANYMORE!!!!!! It makes me turn back to emo! I look through all the pics when I’m with my family and it makes me think that I don’t belong to this family. Ever since I’m young, every pic that includes my parents sure I’m not smiling and laughing. I don’t know why and so I just realize. I’m wondering do they actually really care about me? Today I’m like invincible to them, I know I’m in a bad mood but why are they not concerning me or even ask what happen? What is this????? Everything seems dark again. I want to leave!