live in a short life, your pain will be less

yesterday i'm really sad..i think back of everything that happen to me..i dunno why must this been happening to me..did i actually did something wrong in my last life or before this..can someone tell me..every time when i start a new life, i give myself a chance to go a brighter place time, i fail to pass through it..I'll never success in a bright place..so is it that i must hide myself inside a black dark place to hide from everything in this world?? why is it that the god is SO unfair to me?? I'm not playing anyone anymore..and i wont also..but when I'm serious there's no good ending for me..so am i going to be a player for the rest of my life..i don't want to hide away from anything cause i dun wan to be a looser to anyone or anything i did in my life..i can't accept the fact of mines..the past 3 years words from that guy i really trust him..i cant don't trust it..cause its the fact..but am i going to pass through my life all the time like that?? i wanna change my life..i don't want to be like this...but there's no one can help me...if there's someone that can pull me out from the dark place but i know that there's no one can help me in the bright place..so let me hide inside for the rest of my life..CZ i dun wan to suffer any pain that i really cant stand for it..