The regret-ness of wasting so much time

It’s already 3am. One whole day I was thinking lots of stuff. I have no idea why I feel so f***ed up after getting my results. It makes me sadder when I get a good result. What’s the point if I get 1^st? I don’t feel happy at all. It makes me feel so regret. I have wasted my 7years with stupid results. WtF am I doing with these 7 years? Maybe I can say that most of the things that I make decision or I do also I never regret before. The only things make me feel regret right now is my studies. I don’t know why I feel this way. The day start from may 7^th. I told myself on that day. No matter what happen, I’ll go through my life happily with no question or worry. But today suddenly I have so many questions to ask myself. I can’t get all answer that is possible to make me feel better. I’m trying my best to cheer up myself for these 2 months. Blog? What is the use for me to blog? To read it myself or what? I feel that to compare me with others. I’m like nobody to anyone. My friends, I can see that they have a happy family or at least some elder sisters or brothers that is caring. But what do I have? Parents concerning? *Not all the time* friends? *They are like so busy* me? What can I do with myself? Sit like a dumb ass. OMG! I have no idea why I feel this ways. Every night when I don’t want a chat, everyone is there. But tonight, I really want a chat. Too bad there is no one there for me. Just chat with my god sis for a while only. CGL > __ changed my life. If I were still in Cgl this year, I would not need to suffer all those pain like an ass. I will still be the last time yin and never changed cause environment, friends and places not going to change. Everything will be in the same condition as I used to be. Sometimes, when we are in a round and we didn’t know how big is the other round. We will always feel that this is more than enough to learn. But when we are stepping in another round, we feel that our level is just like level 1. Too many things we didn’t learn and it’s the causes of why I can’t fit myself in another round. Maybe I should just learn to leave everything back. Always look forward to find something new in my life. Like what I used to say (life the life you love). Sometimes I have no idea why am I still so concern about what’s going on in Cgl. I’m not a part of that place anymore. Why must I be so *bb* to update the news about Cgl. I ask myself, “am I still in there or a part of them?” what’s the answer? Since the day I left till now, I didn’t manage to find the answer. *sigh*